Thursday, October 8, 2009

" Flashback "

I was on the phone with my daughter-in-law this evening . We talked about my grandchildren mostly . Our normal catching up on the weeks activities . My son and his wife's anniversary is coming up . On October 13 Th , they will be married for eight years. We talked for about twenty minutes and then said our good byes.

I love my daughter-in-law , Amy. She IS one of my daughters . She is a wonderful , sweet , loving , kind , faithful and beautiful young woman . Our family was blessed when she married my son .

After we had hung up the phone I remembered something . It is strange sometimes how we forget things . Names , dates , places . Even monumental moments . I for one have a very poor memory . I always have . But tonight , after we got off of the phone I remembered something . A date , a memory forgotten .

Strange that I had forgotten this date as in my life it was quite monumental . I am where I am now in this life of mine because of this date in time . The conversation with my daughter-in-law about their anniversary brought it all back .

October 8 th , 1977 .
That was the day that I married Frank, my son and Ginny, my daughters father .
Oh what a tumultuous time in our lives that was . The story of our relationship would take up far too much time for me to tell you now . I could write a book about it .

In a nutshell it is what ultimately taught me that everything happens for a reason . We were married for twelve years before we were divorced and were together for seventeen years total . I met him when I was fourteen years old . That is when my life changed drastically . I cannot in good conscious say that my life would have been better had I not met him . No I cannot .

While he lead me down roads that you would not want your child to go down , I gave birth to two amazing human beings because of him . I am so proud of my son , Frank. I don't mention him often because he is a quite man . He is a good man . And a good father . I am proud of my daughter Ginny . She is a good woman . And they are both extremely hard workers .

So I am grateful to my ex-husband for these lovely human beings that contribute to the world everyday .

I know that he loved me . I did love him too . But he was not my soul mate .
He passed away at the age of 36 . He drank so heavily that he ultimately bled to death internally .

I had left him six months before his death . Even though I knew in my heart that things were not right I stayed and stayed . I went to A.A. to learn how to deal with his alcoholism . That is what gave me the strength to say goodbye . That and my eleven year old son coming to me one night and saying " Mom, I can't take this anymore . "

I didn't want to give up on my vows . I am a very good friend . I will stay through thick and thin . But when my child hurts or suffers I have to give up .

It was a sad death . It was a loss . It was a shame . It was a tragedy . Someday I will tell you more . But for now , you must know the lesson that was the most important thing that came from this story of mine .

Everything that we do has a consequence . Everything that happens to us affects other people . Everything , everything happens for a reason .

To every season .

39 comments:

Teacher's Pet said...

...I read this and quietly say a prayer of thanksgiving that there are good and wonderful people like you in this world.
I am deeply touched by your blog tonight...and close this commemt to you by saying that I love you, my sweet friend...

Diana said...

Thank you Jackie, it was more than I could possibly tell you. Someday I may. Love Di

Bernie said...

You are such a beautiful spirit my friend, of course you loved the father of your children as well as him....so sorry he has passed and at such a young age, he has missed so much of life with his children and grandchildren but as you say everything happens for a reason. May he rest in peace and may you always know and have the love that you now share with Katie's father, Jake...Love you.....:-) Hugs

Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

I came by to say hello and thank you for your visit today courtesy Dr John. What a wonderful blog you have. Just reading this I can see that you are a Wonderful Person and I can see that love you have for your children.

I'll be back for another visit, please come and visit at my place again, and if you have a chance visit my other blogs.

Blessings each day said...

Oh, Diana what lovely sharing...I felt as if I was sitting near you while you talked about this. Having had two alcoholic parents, I do know what you went through. What a wonderful person you have grown to be...the only way to get a 'pure' product is often through a cleansing 'fire'. The world is a better place because you are in it, Di!!!

blessings and grateful hugs,

marcy

Donna's Book Nook said...

I'm sure in some ways this had to be a painful memory for you. But, in spite of the tragedy, God has been good to you in allowing you to have two wonderful children.

You should write that book about it sometime. I think it would be a great encouragement to others.

Hope you have a blessed day! Donna

Wanda said...

Diana your story touched me this morning...you told it in just the right way, with compassion for Frank and no bitterness. It must have been an ordeal for you though.
It's a testament to your strength and loyalty...first to your husband, but then later to your children, when you saw the need.

It's wonderful that you now have Jake and your great relationship with him, plus your loving children(DIL included) and your sweet grandchildren.

Luv and Smiles,
Wanda

Diana said...

Hi Bernie,
Yes I always think about all that he missed. It's sad.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Bill,
Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely be visiting your blogs. I am glad that you stopped by!
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Marcy,
I don't know about the world being a better place because of me being in it but I am hoping that my children make their mark in this world. That would be reason enough to have gone through all of that.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Donna,
I always remind myself of the two people that came out of all of this. But as a rule I try not to go to the past very often. It was the date that brought back the memories. Thank you Donna.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Wanda,
You know the way I look at it is ,The past is the past. My ex had too many problems for me alone to solve. And had I not gone through it all I would not have met Jake and than had Katie! Like I said, everything happens for a reason!
Love Di

Teresa said...

Good Morning my favorite 'head banger' in the whole world...I was so moved and touched by what you wrote today, and it all must be far behind you now, since you almost forgot. Yes, I too think that everything happens for a reason, however, we live in a forward world, and don't realise the reasons for things until we get far down the road on our journey and can take a long look back. I too have many blessings that came from my past, like four beautiful children, and now 8 beautiful grandchildren. Just by reading your story today Di, I am feeling blessed beyond measure...and this morning I awoke at 5:55 a.m., and no, I did not set my alarm for that time. I never set alarms, I almost always wake up without them. Love you Di, you too are a blessing in my life, heavy metal and all. ((((HUGS)))) 555

Eileen said...

Diana, I love how you said in one of your comments that having your children are reason enough to have gone through all that. That statement right there shows who you are, Di.
And that's what makes it so easy for all of us to love you.

And I love how you share yourself with us. And I consider it a gift to my life, Di, I really do.

And the strength you mustered to change this situation at the request of you son says a multitude about you too, Di.

Ray and I were just talking about that last night. We were saying that when it's just you in a situation you can take it, and take it, and take it, BUT once it involves your child being hurt physically or emotionally, the line is drawn and it's so over then. That's the breaking point, that's when you say NO MORE.
Good for you, Di.

'Love this post, Di.
'Love you, Di.
You're gold.
Thanks for, well, you know, everything.
Your friend,
Eileen

Gail said...

Hi Diana-

I am deeply touched by your honest sharing of very powerful experiences in your life. I am humbled by your strength and I am honored to share in your world. I learn so much from you and I SO understand when you say "Everything is for a reason".
Love toyou my friend
Gail
peace.....

Diana said...

Hi Teresa,
You are right, most of the time it is forgotten. I guess you can say " Time Heals All Wounds " but still, it's very painful for me to think about. So this will probably be the last time I talk about it for a long time if ever.
I can't believe that you woke up at 5:55, that is so strange. I still think you should play the lotto.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Eileen,
Thank you for all of your kind words. It means so much. I know that you know how I feel about this. And I have long since moved on, Thank God! He saw me through all of it. It was a very scary time for me.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Gail,
Everything happens for a reason should probably be my motto. Even in the most difficult times, and there have been many, I know that God is leading me through it all for a reason. And it may take years to find that reason if ever. Simply stated , for me, it boils down to faith. Thank you Gail for understanding.
Love Di

Being Pramoda... said...

HI Diana...

am sorry abt him..could feel the love and ur emotions..

yeah..some ppl and some relations in life are unforgettable..

and i must say, i loved ur pic in previous post .. hhehehe

Diana said...

Hi Prams,
Thank you for your nice words. And I liked the picture too, it sort of looked like me! Love Di

Rebecca. Harlan, IN said...

What a great gift the years have given you - perspective, peace, and wonderful relationships. The part of yourself that you shared give much hope to many who are in dark places themselves right now. That your son & daughter turned out so well is a great tribute to your strength and character - and the great mercy and grace of God.

Diana said...

Hi Rebecca,
It all brought to where I am today. Things could be better, but they are pretty darn good as they are!
Love Di

Ginnie said...

Thank God that you got out from under his alcoholism. It is always so sad when a young person dies in that way.

Terrie said...

Coincidence? I don't think so. I just read my neice's post from yesterday. She said something very similar to your point. Things happen for a reason. HE will not give us more than we can handle and HE will also help us to know our own true limits. We all have experienced things in our lives that when we look back, we know in our hearts that we are a better person having gone through it. Thank you for your post. It truly touched my heart.
Love
Terrie

Diana said...

Hi Ginnie,
I know that I ultimately would have left him on my own, but other things factored into the situation. His death was and still is very sad.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Terrie,
I know that all that I went through did make me stronger. After all of that I wouldn't put up with anything that wasn't right for me now. It was a lesson learned and I got two beautiful children out of it!
Love Di

Maria said...

Hi Diana!
What a tug to our heartstrings~

I've been browsing Robert Brault's site and found this quote that I want to share with you...

"What is it that we all believe in that we cannot see or hear or feel or taste or smell -- this invisible thing that heals all sorrows, reveals all lies and renews all hope? What is it that has always been and always will be, from whose bosom we all came and to which we will all return? Most call it Time. A few realize that it is God."

You have been through much, found comfort and now give comfort to others ...
God is with you, Diana.
Blessings always~Love, Maria

Stephanie said...

Hi Diana-
What a beautiful told story. Tragic but yet what struck me is that you were able to see the beauty in everything.
Yes, there is a season and reason for everything.
Just a lovely post.
Stephanie

Jerelene said...

What a sweet and loving person you are...I'm truly touched by this post..I love that you are so close to your daughter-in-law...not all mother-in-laws are....your daughter-in-law is a lucky girl!!
And, your children are lucky to blessed with such a wonderful Mother :)
Love You..........Jerelene

Escapist said...

Boss i am so ingrained by you...


Joliieesss:-)

Diana said...

Hi Maria,
I did so appreciate the quote by Robert Brault. It was very enlightening. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Stephanie!
Thank you for visiting my blog. And I Am glad that you enjoyed my story, sad though it was. I am honored that you read it.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Jerelene,
My DIL is a treasure to me and our whole family! Her and my son have been together since Katie was born so they are more like sisters. I do feel blessed to have her in our lives.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Escapist!
So glad for your visit! Thank you for your kind words. You are very sweet.
Love Di

Barb said...

Hi Diana,
I think you've shared a universal truth with us as you told your story. As in all of Nature, there is a ripple effect in Life beyond what we can envision. Hard decisions must sometimes be made. Smile now for the gifts you have: a loving husband, children who are close to you, and beautiful grandchildren - not to mention your myriad friends! Have a great weekend!

Diana said...

Hi Barb,
Right you are my friend, And I am truly blessed today with all of my family and friends. I hope you are staying warm!
Love Di

Sniffles and Smiles said...

You are amazing...strong, good, kind, compassionate...and generous!! I am overwhelmed by such a variety of emotion as I read this post. And I am grateful that you have entrusted us with your heart. You are an authentic and inspiring lady! A true treasure, and a loyal friend, indeed! I am grateful to have met you! Much love to you~Janine XO

Diana said...

Oh Janine you give me too much credit. I am just an ordinary woman,trying to muddle through this life as best as I can. I try very hard to give everything that I do the best that I have. And that takes a lot of praying and self-discovery!

If we can do that much my friend, we are indeed cool!!!
Love Di

Tranquility Speaks said...

I am sorry to hear of your ex-husband pass away this way.. And it is incidents like these which teach us that everything indeed happens for a reason..I think God wanted me to know this...I just read this on Bernie's blog and here I am..Everything happens for a reason..time shall reveal all...

You've shown exceptional strength to have dealt with this Diana. I totally respect you for your decision..

I also understand when you say he wasn't your soulmate. There was something you had to learn from him, which is why you spent so much time with him. God bless you and your family Diana, and may he grant each of you health, wealth and happiness :)