Actually I think it started on Sunday. I've always had trouble sleeping the week before the full moon. After many years of this, I don't need to look at the calender to know when the moon is going to be in it's full glory.
It's sort of funny when I think about the conversation dance that my husband and I have during this week. He's usually always gone. He lives in his truck all but four days of the month. He does this not only to pay the never ending bills in our lives but also because he loves me.
My husband keeps a calender on his dashboard. I rarely look at a calender. He marks off the days. He knows when the moon is going to be full.
As with many long time married couples, the usual "How did you sleep last night?" question is always asked out of love and concern. On the days when my answer is "I tossed and turned and hardly slept at all." he is always quite. And by his silence at my answer, I know that the full moon is upon us.
This week of sleeplessness used to drive me crazy. As I have aged I have learned that it is best not to fight it. Even though it affects my brain and my body, I know that it is just a temporary state. And once the moon turns completely full, I know that I will once again get some productive sleep. Can sleep be productive? I think it can.
This week proved to be worse than usual as I have had the most horrible dreams. Dreams that you can feel in your heart and soul. Dreams that make you wake up sweating and praying to God to please let it be just a dream. Or rather nightmare.
I made it through the sleeplessness and nightmares so far. But today, today was just unnerving to me. I don't usually scare. I don't usually panic. I have always been the sort of person to say "Alright, this isn't right so lets figure out what to do next." .
When I woke this morning again from a horrible nightmare, I thought "Alright, tomorrow is the full moon. You'll sleep good again and things will be as they should.".
Hanging on hard to this thought I walked my dogs at 5:30 a.m.
It was calm outside. Not as dark as it has been. The suns rays were just peeking over the horizon. I could smell skunk. Strange but also welcome as we have a neighborhood skunk that hangs around in the summer. This was the first time this year that the said skunk had made him or herself noticeable. I took that as a sure sign of spring approaching. It sounds like everything was fine yet I had a chill that ran up my spine and it wasn't from the temperature as it was very warm for 5:30 a.m.
Later this same morning as I was leaving for work I noticed that the wind had really kicked up. I watched the weather earlier and knew that it was supposed to be very windy and warm. Springlike.
While I was cleaning the house that I clean weekly, I kept hearing odd sounds. Sounds in a house that I have been cleaning for at least five years, that I had never heard before. At one point I started to feel very strange. I felt that something was wrong. I felt it deep in my gut. Yet the work and the house went along as usual. Nothing happened.
When I got home later this morning, before noon, I walked the dogs again and felt the same weird feeling. The wind was blowing our old wooden fence, what was left of it after most of it being blown over from a straight line wind storm a few years earlier. It was creaking and moving back and forth with the wind.
I walked the dogs hurriedly. I thought that the unnerving feeling would leave my body once inside my home. Close the door. Shut it out. But I was wrong.
This house is 64 years old. It has settled quite a bit. It feels solid. Yet today I kept hearing noises. Not just from this house but from outside. Voices of neighbors, sirens. Lots of sirens. Much louder than what they usually sound like when inside this house.
I tried to take a nap but again, sleep wouldn't come. The dogs were restless. They wouldn't lay with me. They barked. They sat a bit and barked some more. I gave up on the much needed nap.
When it was time to walk the dogs again, mostly because they seemed unnerved themselves, we found Wendy's wrapper papers, Wal-Mart bags and Styrofoam sandwich boxes that had blown all over the driveway and yard. And still I can't explain the odd feeling that had been enveloping me since this morning or since the beginning of the week.
For now all seems to be quite. For this I am grateful. It is 10:00 p.m. Past my bedtime. And just now as I am typing this I am hearing an odd noise outside again. One that I have never heard here before.
I really need some sleep. Good sleep. Innocent baby sleep.
The strange noise just stopped.
I don't want to have those horrible nightmares again. I want my house to be quite. I want the neighbors to be quite. I just want some good sleep. I wish that my husband were home. He would make me laugh or make me mad. That would be a good distraction from this really weird and unnerving day that I still don't understand and can't explain except for lack of sleep.
Goodnight and SLEEP TIGHT!