Monday, February 13, 2012

" A Strange Day " Warning: This Post Contains a Disturbing Image.

I have to start by saying that my nerves are shot. Today was definitely the topper but after having two major surgeries within five months, feeling so, so tired and dealing with a highly hormonal seventeen year old daughter, add to that a mega dose of cabin fever,
and you have a very tired, stressed woman.

I thought I was dealing with things pretty well. As well as I could be considering. Until a knock to my front door early this afternoon.

As usual my two dogs went crazy barking and circling in front of the door as I looked out the window to see who was there. It was one of our police officers.
My first thought, being that we live in the older part of town, was that he may be looking for someone who was running from the law, perhaps through my neighbors and our adjoining driveway which leads to the ally.

I opened the door and went out on the porch. The police officer proceeded to tell me a story that just made my mouth open and sort of, I guess put me in a bit of a state of shock or disbelief. Whatever it was, I was too dumbfounded to ask questions and just said "O.K.".

He told me that there was a deer in my yard on the side of my house where the central air conditioner sits. Most of my yard is fenced in so I wondered how the deer wandered back there. Did he jump the fence? Or did he come in through the ally and wander off to the side of the house?

Just beyond the A.C. unit is where the buck was found. Next to the chimney.
The officer spoke quickly as he told me there was a deer in my yard who's leg was broken off and they were going to put it down and get it out of my yard.

I have seen many, many deer over the years around town but never in thirteen years had I seen one on my street let alone in my yard. I made the mistake of looking out the window by the A.C. unit and I saw the young buck sitting with his back to me just trembling and shaking. My heart sank.

I walked away from the window and went back into the dining room and that's when I heard it.
I have heard gun shots before but never, ever had I heard one as loud as this. My house reverberated from the sound and I went into hysterics.

I was on the phone with my husband and just started sobbing. His words were not helping me even though he was trying very hard to calm me. I hung up on him. This all happened within about five minutes and I truly don't understand what happened to me.

The next thing I remember was seeing two officers taking the deer out to the ally. I vaguely remember the officer saying that someone would be picking it up.

In the meantime my husband kept trying to call me back. I didn't answer right away. I had to wait until I could process what was happening. Then my neighbor came to the door to ask if I was alright. He heard the shot and saw the police. He thought a stray dog may have wandered into my yard. I told him what happened and later saw him talking to the officer.

I wish I would have thought to ask how they knew that the buck got into my yard. Did a neighbor see it and report it? The police station is a block down the street, did an officer see it by chance? There are always patrol cars that drive down the street.

I guess I'm just very naive. This really upset me. I've been around death before, I used to work in a funeral home for crying out loud. Maybe I was so upset because it was an innocent animal. In any case I felt really silly for letting this get to me so much. We have deer hunters in our family. This shouldn't have been such a big deal.

But none the less it was. And it upset me deeply.

It took me a long time to get over it today. My nerves were shot and exhaustion overwhelmed me. I thought by posting what happened someone could explain why I was such a baby about this incident.

It made me question my mental stability. I've always considered myself to be very strong emotionally and physically. Am I just getting older and loosing that strength that I thought I possessed?

There has been things going on with my family members that has had me quite worried as well. I guess this incident could have been the one that pushed me over the edge. 

I am tired this evening. Like every night since the last surgery, I'm exhausted. Sleep has been pretty good. Yet during the day, I'm tired. It's getting better slowly. Maybe it just all hit me hard from being so tired. In any case, thank you for listening if you've come this far. 


Krista said...

I don't blame you one bit. I cannot handle that kind of stuff at all. Being emotionaly stressed with everything you have had going on you probably needed the "release". Sometimes a really good cry helps regardless of what brings it on.
Hugs to you friend, hang in there.

Diana said...

Thanks Krista, you're probably right about the crying. It felt like everything was just pouring out of me emotionally. Thanks again my friend! Love Di ♥

Sharon said...

Oh, I am so sorry that you had that happen. That poor deer! I can't think of the proper way to convey my feelings about the situation. I shouldn't have looked at the picture, I guess, you warned me. So I sit here with the same tears that I am sure you shed.

My word verification is itorn - and I am, as you are...

Theanne said...

Hugs, hugs, matter why you were upset, what happened and what you saw was a shock...piled on top of all the other things that have been happening to you over the months. You are a caring human being faced with an innocent animal who was in a tragically fatal circumstance, in your yard! Hysteria would have been high on my priorities!

Diana said...

Sharon and Theanne, thank you so much. I thought I was just going crazy. This was a very hurtful incident. Love Di ♥

Barb said...

Oh, Di - what a horrible thing to happen. Who wouldn't be distressed to see an innocent animal suffer? Also, just the thought of the gun shot so near your house sets my nerves strumming. Hugs to you.

DeanO said...

So much going on in your life dear friend. I will add you to my prayer book. God bless :) It was a good thing the Deer was put down as it had no chance for survival with such a damaged leg

Jerelene said...

Oh Diana, how terrible! I'm so sorry you've been going through so much. I've had my share of stuff here too..but nothing like you have :( It would have upset me badly too. I will keep you in my prayers! Hugs, Jerelene

Wanda..... said...

Your reaction seems natural, Di especially since you were alone. Seeing the helpless deer in pain and then hearing the deafening gun shot would be hard to handle by anyone. Hope today you are feeling better.

Gail said...

HI DI - oh my, how tragic. And your emotional reaction is so normal. And DI, you are still fragile but even if you were on top of your game you would still be deeply affecterd by this. I was and I am only reading about it.
Love to you, breathe....

Teresa said...

Oh Di, I am sure this was just the last straw in a long line of trying to hold things together. Once, I ran over a rabbit, and stopped my car to have a look at it, then broke down and cried for hours, all the way home and for the next week I could not get it off my mind. I had many things going on in my life at that time too, and could not quite figure out why this event triggered all that emotion. It is so sad really, really sad. Perhaps you needed to let all that emotion go. Love you Di, and praying for you. Please keep your chin up, and look for the positives. I know it is not always easy, believe me I know.
((((Hugs))) TT You have been through so much, be gentle with yourself

Bonny said...

I think your reaction is normal. It is a sad thing that the poor deer was suffering and hearing a gunshot so close to your home would be upsetting. Like someone else said, I think you just needed a good cry. We all need that once in a while, I think.
Take care my friend. ((Hugs))

Jackie said...

I'm not gonna be able to help you much, Di. I just read this and am crying myself.
I love you, my friend....
(I'll be back.)

Linda Higgins said...

oh my goodness! I am a blubbering mess too! Wow! that is..horrible! I am thankful that they came to your home and at least let you know what was going on before they actually shot the deer! You would have had to call an ambulance for yourself had it played out any differently! I am so sorry! I think the past 4 months have just finally caught up with you! I think you need a vacation...go someplace warm and sunny and laugh a LOT! hmm St. George would be good! hugs to you Di!

Cindy said...

Oh, poor little thing. It would have upset me too.

Joy said...

I think the deer fiasco was 'the straw that broke the camel's back'. I think it was just the last 'thing' and it sent you over the edge. Crying can be a tension-reliever. That's my call, Diana! I think you'll feel better in a day or so. I am praying that your Heavenly Father will comfort you. My husband used to be OTR and it's stressful to have to handle everything at home.

Joy said...

Diana, those letters that must be typed to allow my comment are super difficult to read, even when they give you a new one. Can't understand the sound either--and I'm not a robot!

Rob-bear said...

Oh, dear, Diana. What a terrible, shocking event for you. The poor deer; terrible smashed leg. Perhaps from jumping into your yard? Who knows?

I hope you can get more rested, and don't have any more of these kinds of interruptions.

It's almost enough to scare a Bear!

Rebecca said...

No! You're not going crazy! Or if you are, I'm going WITH you. I had to scroll past the picture really fast and I didn't even experience the trauma of the gun shot!

We're NOT hunters. I don't mind eating the meat, but can't imagine pulling the trigger.

I'm SO sorry.

Anvilcloud said...

You have been through an incredible amount of stress -- both mental and physical -- whether you fully know it or not. I think this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Pamper yourself as much as possible and don't feel guilty about it. Make sure your family understands as best as they can.

Blu-I'd-Blonde said...

I'm like you; I can't stand to see innocent animals hurt. And shooting it was the humane thing to do but still traumatic.

As to feeling like you do is normal after having gone through your surgeries. If you had anesthetic, depending how long you were under both times would explain the nerves falling apart. the anesthetic may not have been cleared out of your system before you had to have the 2nd surgery. It just takes time, which no one tells you--So take all the time you need to recuperate. I fell apart after our daughter was born and she had to be in the hospital 'cause she had milk allergies. As soon as she was able to go home I was in the hosp. for breast biopsy--my doc didn't have faith in mammography. Gratefully, no cancer. God be with you and heal you.

Dee said...

Diana my heart hurts for you to witness such a you things like this stay with me a long time. Hugs ♥ Dee

Bernie said...

Sending you a big hug and wishing you a great weekend, you totally deserve it. Love you...:-)

Eileen said...

Oh, Di, your reaction is perfectly normal and so heartfelt. How sad to think it's life had to come to an end so violently, and that you had to be a witness to it. But I so understand the officers having to put it down, horrible for that poor thing to be suffering so. And how wonderful there are people that know what has to be done and have the wherewith all to do it! I guess my feeling would be 'Can't we try to nurse him?'

You poor thing, Di, you've been through so much, and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
I hope you're feeling better, Di.

I think of you so often, and you are in my prayers.
Love you lots, E

Graceful Moments said...

Dearest Di,
I completely understand your behavior. Knowing that people shoot dear and other animals and hearing and seeing one being shot are completely different things.
Dear are very agile and can jump a fence from a standing position. They do it in in our pastures often. There is such a huge overpopulation of deer everywhere and they are increasingly found in the suburbs and even in cities. This one must have fallen somehow and injured his leg. Of course, they needed to put him out of his misery but it seems a brutal and inconsiderate way that they handled it all.
Sometimes when we have been through a lot, it doesn't take a lot to push us right over the edge. I am lifting you up to our Father for healing of your nerves and for the troubling family situation.
Love and blessings,
Vicki xo

Graceful Moments said...

Guess I can't spell tonight...I truly do know the difference between dear and deer!

Garnetrose said...

Anyone with a heart would have been upset by what happened. I know I would. I saw a wounded deer once and it is always pitiful when they look at your with those eyes filled with pain. It is hard to see them die but the deer is not suffering now and that is what is important. I hope things start looking better for you..

Jackie said...

Di...I wanted to come back and let you know that I'm thinking of you.
I hope that you aren't quite as tired as you were when you posted this blog. You have been through a lot. You are a strong woman; I have admired that strength in you since I've met you through blogging. Know that I'm thinking about you.
Love you,

Maria said...

Hi Diana!
I'm finally sitting down for a few minutes... visiting with my father and helping him out until Wednesday...
Oh my goodness, Diana, what a horrible thing to have happened. Even though nature can be tough, having this so close to home {and to your heart} makes it so very personal.
A couple of years ago, Chris was driving right behind someone that hit a fawn. The mother made it across the road, but not the baby.
Chris stopped and ran over to help.
It was still alive... and Chris grabbed the hand-knit afghan that was in his car. He cradled the fawn (it was very small} ~ it was crying for its mother.
When the police got there, he unwrapped the fawn and nestled it in the grass along the shoulder of the road. Chris had to continue on to work, but will never, never forget such an emotional moment.
He called me as soon as he got to work and could barely talk about it.
When he got home, the afghan still had fur on it... with tears in his eyes, he said his mother would not have minded for her afghan to be used this way. She loved "her deer."
God bless your sweet and tender heart, Diana!

Sandi said...

Dear Diana, I am so sorry you had this happen to you. The photo of that poor deer just broke my heart, and I can't imagine seeing it in such a state alive.
I don't think you reacted any more than a lot of people would have, myself included. I hate seeing animals in pain, and I guess it's a good thing that you didn't find that deer yourself.
It's normal to be grief stricken when such awful things happen with no warning.

You've had such a long, hard time of it, it's no wonder you're a bit on overload. Let yourself rest, and I'll be praying for a restful night's sleep for you.

Love and hugs,

Oh, thanks for your comments about my post. I totally know what you mean. I can't get rid of anything that Chris had, or drew, or gave me. I still have way too much of his stuff, but I can't bear to go through it yet. Someday, when the time is right. It is probably the same for you with your mom. Timing has to be right.

tattytiara said...

No, honey, trust your emotions. They want to come out, let them come out. Also you're a compassionate, caring human being and that was a sad thing, give yourself credit! It is fortunate for the deer that it was found and euthanized so that it didn't have to suffer, but I'm so sorry it happened at a time when you really didn't need the added emotional strain! I hope you're treated to a nice long period of peace and happy surprises.

Ginnie said...

No, Di, I think you are perfectly normal. I know for myself that after the surgery and recovery process it was the emotional part that took the longest to get back. Hang in there and know that we are all behind you.