Saturday, January 5, 2013

" Period of Adjustment "

I know I've been gone for sometime now from Blogland. Haven't really felt like sharing. So many of you have emailed, facebooked messages and even called to make sure I am alright.

I want to thank all of you for your concern. I am alright now but it was a rough road there for a while. Right now I am going through a period of adjustment.

The custody problems with my son and DIL have settled down for now. After mediation with attorney's, they both seem to behaving in a more adult manner concerning the sharing of my grandchildren.
Which is good for all concerned. 

My husband had to have yet another sinus surgery in November. Not a pleasant surgery. It was his fifth or sixth one and I just pray it will be his last. After that he was very sick and home from work for sometime. 

In the meantime our little girl told us just days before Christmas that she was moving out. Our last bird flew the coop. 
I don't think she was ready for this. My husband doesn't think she was ready for this. Neither one of us was ready for this so soon.
However, I don't know that we would have ever been ready for this. She left before Christmas and it was a difficult time for Jake and I. It still is. But she is 18 and and we couldn't stop her.

Needless to say this broke our hearts. We both became very depressed. Jake and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary on December 29th and it was the first time in 23 years we've been without children.

With my husband being gone five to six days of the week, this is the first time that I have ever been alone in 54 years.
This has been a very big period of adjustment for me.
Although I do enjoy my own company, it seems so strange being alone all the time. Lord knows I have plenty to keep me busy, so much so that I have trouble keeping up. That's not the problem.

I miss Kate so much. I have seen her a few times and we talk on the phone. It's just so hard for me to accept that she isn't a little girl. She still seems like one to me.

Some good has come out of it though. Jake and I have time alone now and have discovered that we do just fine when we are alone together. It's pretty peaceful. We worried about that for years.
But not anymore. It's actually very nice.

I couldn't do anything with Kate's room for awhile. I just kept hoping that she would change her mind and come back home.
But the other night I couldn't take it anymore and started taking all of the things off the walls that she didn't want to take. She took pretty much everything with her. What she didn't, we agreed that I would pack it up and she would get it at another time.

The walls in that room are just terrible. Full of tape and nail holes.
I plan on fixing all of the walls, repainting and turning it into my craft/sewing room. The sunlight in there is wonderful and it has a south and west view of my entire little yard. It will be nice to sit and look out the windows while working on a project.

Of course Kate could change her mind and want to come back home. In which case I'd let her have the room back.
I just don't know what the future holds but for now I am taking things one day at a time trying to move forward.

It's been tough but I'm working through things.
I'm slowly making my way through life without children. It's been filled with them for 35 years. The grandchildren help with that end.
I don't know when I'll blog again. I've been doing a lot of rearranging in my house and my life.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am, for the most part,
alright.

21 comments:

Anvilcloud said...

Hi Di. Nice to "see" you. Sorry about your troubles. She's young and she left suddenly, it seems, so I'm sure it was traumatic for you. There is probably more to the story as well. But there is much to be said for the empty nest, as you seem to be discovering. All the best.

Shelley said...

Di, know I continue to think of you and know that one day soon my 'baby' may leave my nest. I, having only one 'bird' can't imagine what that day and following will be like. As we have discussed before, Kate & Black Rose's relationships to us appear close. Take care my friend, please keep in touch.

Cindy Mcgough said...

I'm sorry to say that I can identify with your journey. I've been there. My daughter is now back home with us. She is 24 with a 3 year old. Hang tight!

Cindy

Rebecca said...

So relieved to hear from you. Take your time. I wish I could wave the "magic wand"......♥

Lynilu said...

I'm glad you posted, even if you're not ready to be a full time blogger again. It's OK. Take time to adjust, but don't let yourself fall into a funk. And remember .... we love you here, without judgment.

Sending hugs and love.

Lynilu said...

BTW, more than one of our kids returned home, not for a long time, but "regroup" and clear their heads. If she does, welcome her, but assume it is temporary for her sake and your own. In fact, I'd say encourage her to be temporary. She is young, but it is nearly impossible to adjust back into the old roles, and it can produce even more problems for all of you. It's OK for the birdie to leave the nest. :)

Jackie said...

Warm and big hugs to you and Jake as you continue this journey, Di.
Being just the two of you isn't bad...as a matter of fact, as time goes on, you'll find that you love it more and more. That time will come. It will.
Take your time getting back to blogging. We will be right here; the most important thing now is you and your family.
I hope that was Jake's last sinus surgery, too. I pray that it was. Continue to take care of yourself, Di. I pray that you will. I hug you, and you know that I love you, my dear friend...
Always,
Jackie

Debbie said...

Hey, a lot of us have been there. I heard a saying, "a parent is only as happy as their saddest child," and I think that can be true. Empty nest is hard on couples who have enjoyed their kids, as you obviously have and I did. I went through a terrible time when my kids moved out. I was so lonely! And like you, the good thing that happened was I met my hub again and found that I still liked him. :)
I read a great book that helped me alot, and only if you want the name you can email me. Funny that the time of life when our kids are leaving often coincides with other things that are going on in ourselves which don't seem to help much.
Hey, it does get better. In fact you'll come to like it pretty well even though you will be really glad to see them when they come for a visit.
Keep your chin up kid.
Debbie

Bonny said...

I'm so glad to see a post from you! I've missed you my friend. I'm sure you must miss her terrible. It will take some time to adjust, I'm sure. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Barb said...

I can feel your loss and grief through your post Di. I have gone through some scary times with my kids and thankfully we all emerged mostly intact. When you're in the midst of turmoil, it seems it will never end. Hoping Jake recovers fully and you both eventually can enjoy this new chapter of your lives. It seems like just yesterday that Katie was in Junior High. I know how much you both love her. Good jLuck to all of you.

A Lady's Life said...

Aren't kids fun?
lol
You will always worry about them till the day you die and they won't care lol
Youth, freedom strength power. They got it all and its their time but it all goes full circle and their time will come too.
Don;t worry. Keep in touch, guide them nurse them love them. They are and always will be your children and you will always be their Mom.
No matter what. You made mistakes and so will they.
I really feel for you cause I am just like you. Sit every day and worry. A lot of good it does. lol
You daughter could have waited till after the holidays though to move.

Wanda..... said...

I can understand your feelings of loss, Di. Sudden changes can be the hardest to deal with, especially when it involves our loved ones. Hope the family matters smooth out and this new year is an extra good one for you. I know I spent most of the summer sadly missing my 2 older(now married) granddaughters. One lives is Washington State now, the other in New Mexico. Neither are permanent moves though, so things will get better for the both of us I'm sure.

Need A Latte Mom said...

I was worried about you, wondering where you were.
Be happy and excited for your daughter. You have raised her to be confident enough to go out on her own. How awesome is that!

Many blessings to you this year, it will go good!
krista

naida said...

(((hugs))) Diana. You are in my thoughts.

Ginnie said...

I've thought of you so often, Diana, and it's great to have you back in "bloggersville".
Sounds like a lot of changes but I remember the days when my husband & I found ourselves alone and, although he was sick most of the time, it was wonderful getting re-acquainted. I'm sure you and your husband will enjoy it too.
All the best and WELCOME BACK !!

Ellen said...

It's such comfort to see familiar messages on this thread -- re: children leaving the nest. My middle child got married in 2010, although she and her husband come visiting weekends still I can't seem to get over the thought of not having her close 24/7. Yeah, three years and still I feel that way. I still have my eldest and youngest girls with me but I know they will have their time to leave too. Though I sure hope not yet.

Sending you hugs and prayers to help you through each day ... one day at a time, as we have learned and in the company of a loving God who cares.

God bless you both.


Dee said...

I can relate so very much to your pain....you just have to ride out the waves as they come at you. It does get easier. There is a good chance she will come back for awhile. Take care of yourself...she is still your kate and she will need you as mom...that really never ends. Hugs my friend. I hope your Jake heals quickly. Hugs from Dee

Gail said...

HI DI - I am so sorry for all the changes and lss you are going through and sorrier I have not been all that available as of lat given all the changes in our world too - huge adjustment to move from our home after 21+ years there. I feel your pain over the "empty nest" - and the adjustments you are dealing with. Thank God you and Jake are so in love and take care of each other. I also can't believe your baby girl is 18!! There are no words really to comfort - I know. And also know that I am praying for you and keeping you in god thought and light.
Love Gail
peace.....

Annette said...

Hi Diana!
Thank you for visiting my blog. I have been away from blogging, too. I have missed much. You have been going through so many changes. I pray that everything will settle and get better for you soon. Just relax. Take your time adjusting to all the changes.
Love, Annette

Tamara Swerline said...

It's so good to see you back, Di. You have had a tremendous amount of change recently. <>

When life is throwing changes my direction, I have to straighten my spine and remind myself that change is neither good, nor bad. It is merely change and my ability to deal with it. Sometimes I do well, others not so good... I am such a creature of habit.

Hugs and prayers your direction.

Tranquility Speaks said...

I'd pray that's the last of your husband's sinus surgeries too. I hope everything that is bothering you ceases to be a problem and all is well soon. Loads of love :-x