Thursday, April 15, 2010

" Time "

"They" say that time heals all wounds. I have found this to be true. But I would like to know who are "they"?

For those of you who don't know me I will give you a bit of background. Two years ago my mother had a triple by-pass surgery after her heart attack. She was a seemingly healthy woman in her early 70's.

Shortly after that I had my first stroke. I am or was not I should say, as healthy as her. I had my second stroke three months later at the age of 50. Oh my God. 

This was the scariest time of my life. I know that mom was worried about me and I was worried about her.

And there is that horrible word. Worry. I don't have my bible handy but I know that I have posted in the past a wonderful verse about worry that my husband always points out to me.

You see I have a lot of faith I just don't have the words memorized. Something my mother taught me at an early age because of the situation that she was in, was that God is everywhere. 

Mom had been through a lot in her life. Her first husband that she fell madly in love with (My Father) abused alcohol to the extent that he would beat her, physically.

I remember one night as a very young girl, sleeping in a bed next to my parents. My father was drunk. I remember him saying " If you move I will kill you."

I must have been about four years old. All I could think of was that I should hold my breath because if he heard me he would think it was my mom.

He would kill her. If I breathed. Son of a bitch. Who would put their child in that situation? What did I learn from this? 

I learned that we love people. Even when they are bad people. I learned that being a parent is very hard. I learned that I can be a better person than my father was.

I also learned that life is so precious. If we have struggled through bad days than we are all the better for it. 

I have learned a lot. The horrible memories have faded now. And I know that this would make mom happy. She forgave. And so can I.

You know that they say "Time heals all wounds". I think that "They" are right. 

It's all within us to decide to let go. Let go of the hurt. Let go of the pain. And just live. 

So tonight when you start to doze off, just let the pain go and remember that "Time WILL heal all wounds".


Maria said...

Hi Diana,
Some of the things children experience are so overwhelming. The important thing is that your heart did not become cold from this. I think forgiveness is good for the one who needs it, but even better for the one who gives it. It truly saves our own hearts when we forgive.

I must say ~ you have a beautiful heart, Diana ~ You are a wonderful mother and your mother must have been a very strong and special woman.
Love, Maria

Bernie said...

My heart which hurt for you and what you went through as a child is filled with pride for what you have learned as an adult.
You are such a beautiful spirit my friend, love you......:-) Hugs

Lynilu said...

Such amazing words, Di. I am often astounded at how I actually have healed from many old hurts. Can you imagine what life would be like if it didn't happen that way? I would be carrying around a trunk, weighing about 500,000,000,000 pounds.

Time is wonderful. In so many ways. And forgiveness makes time heal even better. :)

Peace and love to you, Di.

Eileen said...

Di, this is beautiful. Soulful, heartfelt, and beautiful. And a testament to who you are and why you are so loved!
And also a testament to how forgiveness really is the gateway to healing.
I'm sure your Mom is very happy knowing that you learned such a wonderful lesson from her.

And I think that your Mom is holding Midnight too.
I was so sorry to hear that you had to make such a difficult decision, but be at peace knowing you made the right one.

And thanks for sharing your beautiful Birthday celebration with us! It sounds like it was a perfect day!
And I like all the plants you purchased and I love hearing all your plans for your home, both inside and out. And I look forward to more pictures. Your lilacs are beautiful! Ours are starting to bloom too, I usually bring so many big bouquets into the house but with Jayden's allergies I can't do that anymore, so I just enjoy them in their natural state now.

Take care, Di. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers.
Love to you, E
PS ~ Di, when you get a chance please email me your address again. I can't access my files with all my addresses. If I ever figure this computer out it will be a miracle!

Donna's Book Nook said...

I always feel so sad when I hear of children who have had such terrible experiences. I appreciate your honesty and transparency. You and your mother are strong and special women. Praise the Lord that not only time and forgiveness but our Lord's amazing love can and does heal the hurts and past wounds.

Lois Evensen said...

It is amazing that some children exposed to abuse are able to live that experience, understand it, and know not to repeat it or let it consume them.

Your story is beautifully written. You are a lovely lady.


Gail said...

this is such an amazing post that impacted me deeply. I had no idea you grew up in an alcoholic home - My Dad drank too. I felt your experience intimately.
And yes, time does heal all wounds - leaving the scars to remind us we lived through "it".

Thank you for sharing one of your "its" - I hold you and 'it' close in my heart.

Love you

Barb said...

Hi Di,
I've read that some people are more resilient than others. What might destroy some individuals serves to make others strong. Maybe the ability to let Time heal is part of the equation. The pain suffered by a child is unforgivable - by anyone other than the child herself. That you've managed to allow healing is a testament to your strength. I admire you for it.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, heart breaks for the beautiful little girl who faced such fear! I am so sorry...but I am in awe and admiration of even more beautiful and wise woman she became! I am so honored to call you my friend! Much love and happiness to you, dear Di! You are daily in my thoughts and prayers! ~Janine XO

Being Pramoda... said...

Hi Diana,

wow.. a heart touching write up. these days i have read such posts very rarely... it brought many emotions to me while reading..

u said it rightly.. THEY are correct. time heals many wounds..:)

Be happy my dear...

Anvilcloud said...

I don't think it's time so much; I think it's attitude -- the kind shown by you and your mother . Great, uplifting post.

Jules said...

That is such a sad story about your dad. The good thing is that you decided to take a different path and not become a victim.

Thanks for the reminder....Time does heal all wounds...

Wanda said...

Good Morning Dee... How glad I am that I found you in the blog world.

Your words of wisdom and inspiration move me.

Time is on our side....thanks for reminding me. And the Lord is in charge of time....How good is that?

Love and hugs

Ginnie said...

The thing that helped me the most when my husband died at the young age of 59 was knowing that he wanted me to go on ... always remembering him but letting it go and forging a new life.

Cinner said...

Hi, what a moving post, so sorry for what you had to go through as a child, I am new to your blog, but see a lot of my friends here too. You sound like an amazingly strong have a new follower. have a great weekend.

Wanda said...

Seeing cute Sarah's photo on your side bar, of her peacefully sleeping is what every child's life should be...feeling safe and protected.
Your childhood I'm sure has made you so thankful for a husband like Jake and a son like Frank. In his way, I'm sure your father loved you Di, he was just a consumed lost person that missed out on more than he knows. Glad the hurt didn't concume you!


Dee said...

You are an amazing testimony. Love and Hugs. Dee

Tranquility Speaks said...

Those have been my precise thoughts Diana. I've been reading a book by Dr. Brian Weiss called Through time into healing and this is precisely the underlying message. That you must forgive as hard as it may sound. And you forgive others so that you yourself can lead a healthy and peaceful life.

I am sorry you and your Mom have gone through so much. But like "they" (yeah the same people ;-)) say, "If it didn't kill you, it was only to make you stronger!"

Dorothy said...

Time heals wounds, however, often the memories linger, and some days are easier then others. I find most of us have something in our lives which hurts. Thanks for sharing some how knowing about other peoples pain helps us get through and by together.


Dorothy from grammology

Linda Higgins said...

Is your father still living? I know how hard it can be to forgive, but until you can never become "Christ Like". And you are! It feels so good to not have to carry around the burden of hate and unforgiving. Now TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH girl! Your Katie needs you around for a very long time. And you KNOW WHAT that means don't you!?
so do it! because we all love you!

Jenny said...

Saying I'm sorry for what happened to you seems so simplistic...

...but there are no other words.

I am happy you have found your way out of this horror of memories...

I hope you find peaceful moments when you can think of beautiful things from the past without the pain from the awfulness.

Hugs and prayers, Di.