Tuesday, August 2, 2011

" Anxiety Settling In "

Only 14 days left until my Bilateral Knee Replacement Surgery.
And anxiety started to settle in today. I am still looking forward to the surgery. Actually what I am really looking forward to is my future without constant pain and being able to walk normally again.
Yet I am starting to feel restless. I don't have anyone to talk to about it except for my husband and I don't want to keep repeating myself to him, so here I am.
I have talked to my children about it but it doesn't seem to help. I think that they are all too young to understand what this means to me and if they have any fears, they haven't expressed them to me.
So far things are falling into place nicely. I even got a much appreciated call from the Orthopedic Center today letting me know how much we will most likely be responsible for financially.

It was much less than we expected it to be and it may even be less than what they quoted after it's all said and done. Good news!
My oldest daughter purchased a raised commode, one in which can also be used bedside if need be, a shower stool for the bath tub and a book about knee replacement surgery for me. She is very thoughtful.
I will also need a walker but as I understand, the insurance company should pay for that.
My husband will be home on the 12th at which time we will rearrange the downstairs bedroom for me. He also wants to bring the twin bed downstairs into the living room to sleep in so that he can be on the same floor with me in case I may need him.
Katie's first day of school is the day of my surgery so I don't think that I'll be able to comprehend how her first day went! I hope that she doesn't worry about me and can just enjoy her first day back, although she say's she is not looking forward to going back this year.
Katie is away at camp this week. Her last week of camp for the year and she has really enjoyed being a counselor. She has even mentioned possible Missionary work some day.
Today I cried. I cried a lot. I was thinking of my mother and wishing she were here. It's funny how we miss our folks even when we are supposed to be all grown up and strong because of what they've taught us. Still I missed her today.
I dried my tears and went thrift shopping. Always, always a good "Pick-me-Up" for me! And I hit pay dirt today. I found lots more scrap fabric, a cute little backpack that I fell in love with and will make into a purse. Also a beautiful black velvet make-up bag with embroidered flowers on the front. I think that will go to the hospital with me. I also found two beautiful scarfs with I may give to my oldest daughter, she loves scarfs, or I may make something special with them. We shall see.
Tomorrow I will pick Katie up from camp to take her for registration. She will be a Junior this year. Where does time go? Maybe she will stay home with mom forever. Somehow I doubt it.
I am feeling much better now. I just got off of the phone with one of my best friends. I needed that talk. Thanks Jackie, you are a wonder!
I'm sorry if I seemed to babble too much tonight but that's what anxiety can do. Just please bare with me. This is a major, major surgery and although I am still very excited about it, there still is a certain amount of the unknown that can make one a bit nervous.
So I will leave you on a good note. I feel good, I am looking forward to a very physical and fun future. And I am so happy that you cared enough to read through this today!!!
Thank you and God Bless!!


Lois Evensen said...

You have a right to be concerned, yet I know you know all will go well. I so understand how you miss your mother. No matter how old we get, our mothers are still so important, especially when important things are happening.

Great big hugs,

Teacher's Pet said...

Hello my dear friend. How nice to talk with you.....and YOU lift ME up!! :))) I am sooo looking forward to the completion of your surgery because I know that you will be able to get around without the pain that you are experiencing now. I wish I could be there for you and with you. I'm there in spirit and hug you from here; you know that.
Let's talk about shopping!! Go girl!! I'm glad that you found the items you did today....and I know what you can do with material and items that you buy to make into something else. I wouldn't take anything for my the crochet work that you gave me...treasures they are. And, you are too, Di. Keep that smile going....and when you are up and about after surgery, I want to see you "kick butt" with those good knees, ya hear!? :))
Love you much...Yep, I do.

Sharon said...

Sorry you won't be able to give Katie your attention on your surgery day and her first day back to school. Maybe ask her to write it all down while it's fresh in her memory.

It really sounds like you are about ready for that surgery! You will be dancing the cha-cha before Christmas!

Babbling is required, before surgery, isn't it? ;-) You go ahead!

Wanda..... said...

Sounds like you were just needing a good long hug, a little mothering...good that you and Jackie talked. BTW, I bought the 'vaseline with cocoa butter'...I see why you like it!

Rebecca said...

Well, I'm glad you got that off your chest :) Of course you have a measure of anxiety! As much as you know about it, it is very much an unknown in the sense of personal experience.

And now you've put the "thrifting bug" in me! Isn't it funny how that perks one up??? I'll be interested to hear/see how you refashion that backpack...

Where has summer gone? How can Katie possibly be done with camp & registering for school already?

Glad Jackie commented. I can never get to her blog and have missed her. I'm going to click on her picture and see if I can get there that way.

Take care. Hope the 14 days "fly" for you. Sounds like your hubby has already been a great support. And thank God for the good $$$ news related to the surgery!♥

Anvilcloud said...

No doubt it's all a little nerve-wracking because you know that you're going to have a difficult time of it for awhile. Maybe it won't be as hard as you think though. And I trust that you will have the computer by your temporary bed? That's the important thing. :)

Gail said...

HI DI - I so understand your emotional and anxious state of mind. And I felt quite sad about you missing your Mom through this. :-(. You are very brave. Looks lijke you and your family are quite prepared. I am praying for you, for you all.
Love Gail

Lynilu said...

I was talking last night with a gentleman who had a double knee replacement about 2 months ago. He is still receiving home health care and physical therapy, but he is doing great! He walked into my office with no sign of pain! He is very pleased with his result. Just so you know. :)

As for Katie starting school the day after .... I suspect it will be no big deal, because the surgery will be over. You won't know much about it all, but she will!

I'm looking forward to hearing about the joys of walking again from you in, oh, about October!

Happy hugs, sweet friend!

Teresa said...

Hi Di,
I really hope I can comment, as it seems I have been having so much trouble doing that lately. I really have missed you, and I am so glad to hear that you had a chance to talk with Jackie on the phone.
I think it is normal to have anxiety, and I really do know about missing mom's,,,that never seems to end. If I were there I would give you a big ((((HUG)))) and please remember you are in my heart and in my prayers. We are still going to be riding that 'roller coaster' one day.
((((LOVE and HUGS))) TT

Barb said...

Oh - Wanda beat me to the Vaseline. I still haven't gone to the store! Now her skin will look younger than mine... Di, I think of you every day. When we are stressed and worried, all of us who've lost wonderful Mothers yearn to be able to talk to them. I often "talk" to my own Mom is my mind, thinking how she'd handle a situation. I just started to visit a woman who had knee surgery - she's now up and around on her walker. Here's her site in case you want to visit: http://flyingintothelight.blogspot.com/

~Tablescapes By Diane~ said...

Hi lovely lady.
Your knee surgery will let you walk with out pain !!! This will be a happy day for you sweet lady.
Thanks so much for your lovely comments on my new Tablescapes.
I hope you have a great week with your family. xxoo Diane

Donna's Book Nook said...

So glad you're feeling better. Always great to have a good friend to talk things over with.

Anxiety is certainly normal. It sounds like you have done all the preparation you can; Glad it's only 2 weeks away.

Linda Higgins said...

Hi Di, wow! I am also having anxiety for you. Believe me when I say there are going to be sooo many prayers coming your way. You are such a fun lady. We will all be on pins and needles when that day finally arrives. Maybe Katie can put in a word for us all? Let us know how you are doing? I saw some awesome walkers in a medical store I recently visited, to buy a nice cushy pad to sit on at work. I told bob, hey if ever I need one, I want this one...it was so cool...had a padded seat and place for my purse, brakes, it was awesome. I am not one of those prudish proud vain women. I would put streamers and garb up my walker! hehehehe thinking of you Di. lots of warm hugs...me

Rob-bear said...

Di, I think we understand a bit of this. Anxiety. Fear of the unknown. "What if . . . ?"
A couple of years ago, I had two eye surgeries. First one went fine; second one, not quite, but no serious problems. Today, I see much better.
And we all expect you will be up and about in short order, and walking pain-free. But we won't sign you up for the Boston Marathon — at least not this year.
Blessings and Bear hugs.

jules said...

Surgery can be a scary thing so I understand your anxiety. My mom had both her knees replaced and is now so happy to be living without pain. I pray for the same for you.

Jerelene said...

I'm so glad that it won't be long for you know...I'm glad you were able to talk with Jackie...she is SO sweet!!
I think it's only natural to be nervous about something we've never had done before..I've found that out myself this week.
It sounds like you are in wonderful hands...your hubby sure is a sweetie..You are a lucky woman..:)And you have such sweet girls too..the oldest one seems to be really taking care of things so well too!
I've been keeping you in my prayers..could you please keep me in your prayers too:)The village ladies prayers are the best ones:)
Love and hugs, Jerelene

Sandi said...

HI Diane, You will be so grateful for the raised commode!!! That is my most favorite thing, sad to say! When you get a walker, it's best to have the one with two wheels in front and none on the back. If it has four wheels it is too hard to control. I was lucky, my neighbor had a four wheel one, which I have been using outside and for trips to the mall, etc. (The two wheel doesn't work so well in those circumstances)
You sound like you are getting well prepared. I kind of wish now that I had done both knees at once, as now I don't want to do the other one! I've talked to several who did both at once and are very happy, including my 87 year old uncle who just had them done a few months ago!!
Anyway, take care, and I'll check in on you often!

Teacher's Pet said...

Di....I'm stopping in to leave you a hug. You know that I'm thinking of you.