Saturday, April 20, 2013

Good Lord it's empty in here. I've been walking around inside this page for quite awhile now. Surveying this spot. I can hear the echoes of my footsteps as I am swiping away the cobwebs that have found their place here. 

I ended up in a very strange place that I never thought I would be in my life. So this page has been ignored. Not because of disinterest. No. 

I've found myself in another world so to speak. Truthfully, I can't even do justice to it with my words. I am speechless. Well I guess that's not really right either as I am trying to explain this situation and have to put it into words!

In a word, School. It sounds silly when I say it because it's so common. We've all been there. I've helped all three of my children through it and at the same time, I can honestly say, I hated it.

Until now. It was a fluke. It was a surprise. It was unintentional. It was my daughter Katie's fault. It was her boyfriends sister's fault. It wasn't in the plan although it was a past dream of mine. A long forgotten desire I gave up long ago. And than an imaginary truck hit me. I felt a bug in my butt so to speak and I said "Why not?".

So here I am walking around in this much ignored space that is still decorated for fall. I think I see a rotted Pumpkin on the floor and some much neglected housework as well. All because of an instantaneous moment.

My Katie enrolled in a C.N.A. class in February. I was hopeful and happy for her but knowing my daughter as I do, I didn't feel that this was for her. But her boyfriends sister talked her into it. My husband and I agreed to pay for it. If she didn't go through with it, she would have to go to work to support herself.

The wheels started to turn. I always wanted to be a nurse. I actually took my college entrance exam almost nineteen years ago, before I found out I was pregnant with Katie. That ended that.

I continued to stay at home to raise my three beautiful children. Good children, well, good adults now.

Present day, cobwebs and all. Katie dropped the class at the second  day of the eight week coarse. I stayed. She moved to Texas. She seems happy. That's all that I care about. I miss her terribly but she has to find her own way. I have to trust in what I've taught her.

God works in mysterious ways. You've heard that before right? 

This class has kept me so busy that I can barely remember my own name. I love it. I discovered that I am smarter than I thought. I've learned a lot about myself. I am very happy.

As of now I am carrying an "A" average which doesn't count when applying for a job but it matters to me. At this point I am just going along with what God has put before me. The task at hand so to speak. My house needs cleaning, my yard has been ignored . I have been feeling stress that I've never felt before. My brain is on fire!

We have six more classes to go. Five more Clinical days to go. I love being in the nursing home. I love the work. I really took an interest in the Alzheimer/Dementia unit. I want to go there some more. I'm starting to feel that there is something for "ME".

That probably sounds selfish but it's not meant to be. If I can speak frankly here, I feel as though God is directing me to this destination. I have a few plans in the back of my mind but I don't pay too much attention to planning. I sort of like following direction.

I also love making people feel good, important, worthy, productive and loved. 

Isn't that how you'd like to feel?

Yeah, there are a lot of cobwebs around here. But there's also a lot of other more important work to be done.....

13 comments:

quieten said...

I am so happy for you and proud of you!!!!! You are absolutely amazing! I knew those cobwebs were not from disinterest and was hoping that good things were beginning to come your way. What a perfect vocation for you- and to return to that after all these years-you are definitely meant to travel this road!!!! Di, you keep on going, girl. I just know that your patients will be so much better for just having had you caring for them. What a wonderful post!!!!!!!!

Jackie said...

So proud of you, Di.
Prouder than this post can covey!!
Love you,
J.

Anvilcloud said...

It sounds positive and good. Keep on keeping on.

Gail said...

HI DI - So glad you are following through. So sorry your Katie left. I wondered what happened, and was quite concerned when my inquiries were not answered. Did I offend you some how? I sure hope not.
Take care
Gail

Lois Evensen said...

How wonderful! Yes, you do sound so very happy! And, I am very happy for you.

All the very, very, very best!

Huge hugs,
Lois

A Lady's Life said...

Good for you!! Sad your daughter left after making you go into it lol
Kids!!!!
Well you will enjoy it and that's the most important thing.

Bonny said...

So happy for you whatever your heart leads you to do.

Rebecca said...

I came late to this post - but have to tell you how well-written I think it is! (Are you sure "journalism" isn't your field?!?)

All your life experiences and wisdom gained along the way combined with the medical information you have absorbed in such a short time will culminate in an extraordinary path of service to others and fulfillment to yourself. I just KNOW it.

Linda Higgins said...

You are such an amazing woman and I cannot tell you how proud I am of your accomplishments. Yeah I think it is ok for another woman to be proud of another woman even if we have never met in person but I feel like I have traveled with you on your journeys in the past 3 or 4 years, I don't even remember how long it has been since we met on blogger. But it has been a long time! I agree with Rebecca when she said "journalism" but isnt that what your oldest daughter is in? Whatever Di, people are so lucky to have met you and you will so successful in where ever your life leads you! THE HOUSE can wait. IT will always be there for you. If you lovin what you do who cares if a little dust bunny finds a place under the couch...they need a place to sleep too!

Maria said...

Hi Diana!
You sound wonderfully busy with good things.
This is so great, nursing!!! They are so very needed ... And especially kind and conscientious ones like you will be!.
I think of you and have missed blogging.
School has kept me busy as has family needs. {my father and my oldest is getting married}.
My sister and Rachael and her husband are also moving away. Change happens, it's difficult when it means loved ones are far.
We are always close in heart and spirit though.
God bless you on this journey,
Maria

Jackie said...

Di..I got your comment on my blog tonight, and I tried to publish it and my finger hit the wrong link on my iPhone and it DELETED it!!
Sigh. I was so upset. I apologize! I couldn't get it back to publish it, but I wanted you to know that I saw it...and I agree that we need to talk. I've missed you.
I'm glad you visited my blog.
It is always so good to know that you've stopped by and left me a word or two. I hug you from here.
Love,
Jackie

Barb said...

I nearly fainted when I saw you'd posted. And with the new look I wasn't even sure it was you. Good for you Di! You always give so much of yourself to others - why not make a career of it? Keeping my fingers crossed for you here in CO!

Graceful Moments said...

Di, I haven't been in blogland for quite a while, so didn't know about Katie leaving or moving back or anything. I think it is absolutely wonderful that you are taking the C.N.A. course. Of course, you are making A's. All of us in blogland know you are brilliant...and I mean that sincerely. You are one of the smartest people I know...you have good, old, common sense, as well as, "book learning." I am so happy that God has placed you on this journey where you can use your passion for helping people to help those with Alzeimer's. As far as doing this at 55, I have a friend who started a business at age 66...go for it! Love you so much.
Vicki