I don't want to quit smoking. I like to smoke. I don't care that other people find it disgusting. I know that it is bad for my health. I am aware of how much money it is costing me to smoke. And I just want to say a quick thank you to my internist who realizes that I am not stupid , he refrains from giving me the lecture at every office visit.
My neurologist on the other hand is an idiot. I am 51 years old and have been smoking for 40 years. Yes I know the health hazards and risks so just shut up! If you don't want to smoke well hallelujah for you and all that.
The longest that I managed to stop smoking was two years. The entire two years I wanted to smoke. So I did again. I have quit twice since. Both times after my last two strokes and obviously both times unsuccessfully.
If I sound angry and well, just not my normal self. It's because I am angry right now. I haven't smoked in 23 hours. I am going cold turkey this time and am not quite sure how well it's going to work. I have two boxes of patches in my cabinet but I just don't feel like messing with them right now.
I do know that I have been very, very tired all day. Nicotine is a stimulant. So I have wasted most of my day sleeping. I have also been continually hungry. When I quit for the two years before, I gained forty pounds. So tomorrow I will once again drag my stationary bike up out of the basement and put it back in use. And I will start back at Curves everyday but Thursday. I clean on thursday. That's enough of a workout!
I don't want to quit smoking. I am quitting because I can no longer afford it. The money I save from smoking will pay a little bill of buy a little more food. And I will still be stuck at home. Only difference will be that I won't have my toxic stick of death in my hand to help calm my already exhaustedly overtaxed nervous system. And yes I know it's better for me, but right now, I really don't give a crap!