Thursday, August 27, 2009

" ssshhhhhh!!!!!!"


God forgive me for posting this photo. I don't think that my Kate reads my blog but truly I am not sure. I am old in her eyes and boring and embarrassing, and slow and stupid, well I really don't want to go on as I just might start to believe what my fourteen year old thinks.

Judge Judy always Say's , do you know when a teenager is telling the truth ? When their mouths are open. Well I would like to have a little more faith in my girl but I have raised two other teens that were less than truthful at times.

It seems that the first two weeks of freshman year of high school is very exhausting! Mind you , I have not heard one complaint. Although I do believe that the shock of it all was a bit much!

I can remember high school but now that I think about it , I can honestly say that I don't remember all of the details of the first week or two. Perhaps this is a good thing. Or perhaps I am acquiring senile dementia .

The girl seems happy so far in this her very beginning of " The Real World ". You can be reassured that I will diligently be her shadow for the next four years. I do believe that I have learned from my past mistakes.

Patience comes most times with age. I wish that I had been more patient with my other two children when they were growing up. I can only hope that they will forgive me for not being the mother that I probably could have been. I do know that they love me. I do thank the Lord for that.

Unfortunately in life there are no redo's. So I pray that I gave them something to walk away with. Something with a little substance. Perhaps the knowledge , at the very least that God loves them. And God will always be there for them.

I acknowledge that I have made many mistakes as a parent. But still we all know as a parent we would give our lives for our children. In an instant.

As I look at that tired , exhausted , and still , little girl face in the photo , I can't help but think , can I be the best mom that I can be?

God willing I will be guided. The world has changed my friends. I am getting very tired. But I will never give up. I won't leave her side . I will be there for her as long as God allows.

Sleep tight Katie. Your road is just beginning and it is long . Get your rest while you can and know that I will be there when you feel the need for a nap.

22 comments:

Barb said...

Hi Di,
Katie is exhausted! Actually, school takes a lot of effort and concentration, not to mention the social aspects of the day! My twin Grandchildren are only 6 and just started 1st - they are totally frazzled by the time they get home on the bus. We wanted to have them this weekend, but their parents say they have to rest!

Teresa said...

Awe, what a sweet picture...she must have been exhausted. Just thinking of being a teenager these days makes me feel tired. God's blessing on all of you.
((((HUGS)))) T BTW the girls have been found!!! Thank you for your prayers.

Eileen said...

Aw, Di, this was such a sweet post, and it really spoke to my heart. I've been second-guessing myself so much lately, and reliving all the mistakes I've made with my own kids. I feel like I wasted years really, and the silly things I placed priorities on when they were little. Oh, to be able to do it all over again for them.

Well, your wisdom speaks volumes too, we can't go back, there's not a thing in the past we can change, we can only move forward and hope that we left them with something good.

You have a wonderful heart, Di. And a wonderful mother's heart, I read it all the time in your posts when you talk about your children and your grandchildren.

Asleep or awake Katie looks beautiful!
You have a beautiful family.
Love you, E

Jackie said...

I guess I am an old softie. Your post made me cry...so loving and sweet...such honesty in and through you, Di. I love the photo of Katie...and you know what? If she saw it and read what you wrote, she'd tear up just like me...heart welling over with love....for a mom who loves her. I think you are wonderful, Diana.
Sweet dreams to Katie....

Bernie said...

I received this post and your last one on the same page, I don't know if it's blogger or me....
Katie is so sweet and I am sure she is exhausted, beginning a new phase in her life, new school and new responsabilites .... it's not easy being a teenage but she has one fantastic thing going for her..
YOU!..What a blessing Katy has in having you for a mom, your love and patience shows through every time you speak of your husband, children and grandchildren...
Have a great day sweetie.....Hugs

Jackie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wanda said...

Diana,
Katie's photo touched me...there is just something about a sleeping child and their sweet innocence.
Your words were so loving Diana and I think most parents learn "on the job"...and end up wishing they had known more from the start.

I think Katie is in good hands. Hope high school goes well for her and for you!
Smiles Always Diana,
Luv,
Wanda

Gail said...

HI DIANA-

Such a heartfelt and honest post. Katie is lucky to have a Mom sich as you. :-) A far as your other children? I truly understand all the 'woulda'coulda-shoulda' thoughts you so honestly wrote about. I also know that I, like you, had only love in my heart even in my mistakes.
Oh the heat of a Mother is so heavy some times,. huh? sigh........

Love you
Gail
peace.....

Jerelene said...

So sweet!! I remember being scared...scared of getting lost..scared of forgetting my locker combination...scared of no one liking me..
It's wierd but sometimes I still have nightmares that I'm lost at school (high school.) Most of my best friends from grade school, went on to catholic high school and I had to try to make new friends. It was hard...
Your daughter is lucky..she has such a wonderful Mom!!
You are such a sweet Mother Diana..and I bet she knows it too!
Love and hugs...(hope you're still doing well;)
Jerelene

Diana said...

Hi Barb,
My granddaughter Sarah started 1st grade too. According to her mom, she has gotten in trouble four times already! We may have a trouble maker on our hands! She may spend the night with me this weekend.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Teresa,
I was so glad to hear that the girls were found. I was going to check in with you to find out. I haven't read any blogs yet so maybe you posted. I will find out when I'm done here.
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Eileen,
I think that we should just look forward from now on. We can't change the past but we can build a better future.
Thank you for being such a great friend Eileen. I don't think that Katie thinks of me as a wonderful mother especially when I getting on her to do her chores!!
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Jackie,
It's alright I made myself cry too! As grown up as Katie is getting, I can still see the little girl in her face when she's sleeping! I still think she'd freak out on me if she knew that I posted the photo! SSShhhhh!!!!!
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Bernie,
Once again you always make me feel good about myself. Thank you for that. I have one big advantage with Katie. I was a trouble making teen. I didn't have much supervision. And I have raised two other teens of my own. So it would be a little hard for her to get something over on me!
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Wanda,
The reason I took the photo of her was that you can see the innocence still. When she's awake and crabbing at me, not so much! I'm glad that you could see it too!
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Gail,
Yes it would be so nice if we knew everything then that we know now! We'd all be better parents!
Love Di

Diana said...

Hi Jerelene,
That is so strange, we both went through similar experiences. I lived in a different school district then all of my friends from 8th grade. So I knew no one. It was so scary. Katie is much more fortunate as she has lots of friends in H.S.
Love Di

Linda Higgins said...

Hello there my friend and villager! How sweet. I can't imagine having to raise a child right now! My daughter's daughter my Madi, is also a Freshman in High School this year. OH...so scary! No wonder you crashed and couldn't bear the anxiety of NOT SMOKING! maybe when the storm has calmed YOU WILL TRY TRY TRY TRY AGAIN! hehehehe love you! You are a great mom! and I am sure your Katie knows it!

Rebecca. Harlan, IN said...

You're in a large company of moms who get tired, scared, worry, feel inadequate and sometimes - if truth be known - would like to run away for awhile.

Hang in there! It will be worth it. I AM thankful that ours are raised. I am well aware that times have changed and the challenges have increased.

You have my support, admiration and prayers as we travel together via blogs.

Terrie said...

Di, you touched my heart, as you often do. The road as a parent is paved with what ifs and should haves but when we look at our adult children and our grandchildren, we know in our hearts that we must have done something right somewhere along the way!

Susan DeAngelis said...

Oh Di, can I borrow your camera and take a pic of mine on the couch right now?

Love this post -- adore your wity, expressive writing.

Love ya, friend.
Sue

Anvilcloud said...

I don't know what's harder, being 14 or being the parent of a 14 year old. What an age!