Monday, August 24, 2009

" Joe's Story " ( Fiction ) By Diana

Oh yeah , yeah , it ummm , can get really slow around here. I mean hours , you know, hours go by. And it's not easy let me tell ya . Some will say , ya know , " Oh yeah I got it made , all I do is sit here all day and night."

But those are the one's , they don't take it seriously. No , no , it's a lot of work yeah.

Patience , you have to have a lot of that ! Those other one's brag ya know. But they don't got it. You watch long enough and you'll see em run off . And then later they'll say " Oh I been out there all day, I deserve a little piece of that !"

But I know , I know. They sit awhile and then when they think you're not lookin' , off they run!

Then maybe they'll get lucky ya know and get a catch. Oh boy that burns me. Like I wouldn't want to be off havin' a smoke somewhere ! But no, I'm the one sittin' here all day. Payin' attention ya know. Sometimes I even shake things up a bit . It really scares the heck out of the kids ! Yeah that's fun. But it can be real dangerous too , ya know .

I knew this guy , big guy, bigger then me. It went to his head. There was this kid that would come by everyday ya know. Well as soon as this guy would see this kid he'd start shakin' that web. Back and forth , to and fro , over and over, faster and faster !

What an idiot . He was to big to be goin' that crazy to begin with . All of a sudden his own web launched him! Poor guy didn't know his own strength . He went flyin' clear across that garden ! And then splat ! It was bad , real bad. Jeez , I really needed a smoke that day . Scared the heck out of the kid ya know , yeah he went screamin' home to mommy , the little wimp.

It's real hard work . Yeah . And you gotta show up everyday. They'll replace ya now ya know. Yeah as soon as ya think it's your spot , you can be outta there quick as a skeeter bite. In the old days ya know, you could take a break, have a smoke and a beer. Ya know , regroup.

But there all doin' that green thing now ya know. Like it's something new, hehehe ! Ah God bless em they keep trying. It all comes back around ya know and they all think it's their idea. Well I just let em have there fun.

Are we done here now ? They catch me not payin' enough attention and ya know , I don't wanna end up like that big guy . O.K. so get movin' or I'll have to start shakin' at ya. Yeah nice talkin' to ya too.


Susan DeAngelis said...

This story was awewomd -- read it twice, you know.

So, who's Joe -- lol.

When I teach, I have a habit of saying, "If you understand, say yes."

You know what I'm saying? lol
Nice job

Anonymous said...

I just read your comment on Marcy's blog.
Eddie!! You need to come over here!!
Di, you crack me up.

Diana said...

Newsflash, I just left my house and drove through town to buy a pack of ciggarettes. The store I buy them at, the cheapest place in town was closed. I am cheap. So instead I drove to the liquer store and bought three cans of beer. Cheap beer. Cheap tasty Chicago beer. So here I sit. No smokes, just cheap beer.
Now after reading my stupid spider story can you tell why I need nicotine to think properly?
Tuesday morning at 10:30 a.m. I will have made it three days. Barely! Love Di

Scriptor Senex said...

Keeping fingers crossed for you but as Linda said on her blog - what will be will be...

Anonymous said...

The card's in the mail....the card's in the mail.....hang on.....the card's in the mail !!!! (No cigarettes in it....but maybe you could burn it....and just wave the smoke from the burning card toward you.....maybe??....??...maybe not...sigh.) But, the card's in the mail, my friend!!
Smiles and love from Jackie

Wanda said...

Gee Diana I'm drawing a blank here...What ever you do...keep always have something to say!


Barb said...

If this is your brain off Nicotine - I like it. Of course, I liked it before, too. Just catching up with you, Di. It appears lots has happened since I was away. My daughter in IN is quitting, too. I don't know how it's going because I don't want to keep asking her. You make a choice, you move forward - it's your life.

Bernie said...

Thank God you identified it as your spider story....I didn't know who the heck Joe was....too funny.
The next few days are going to make for some interesting post, and we are all looking forward to them....let us have it my friend.
Love you......:-) Hugs

Maria said...

It's MIDNIGHT! I fell asleep watching the news... snoozed for an hour and 1/2 and now I'm awake!
Those spiders have it tough... Just think of the ones that work for weeks up in the corners of my ceilings... places I don't see until the sunlight is hitting it just right...
Then, SWIFFER comes along and catches the web and all the little critters that the spider was savin' for later!
All the best to you Diana... take care, Maria

Jerelene said...

Diana, you seriously cracked me up with this one! I didn't know you were trying to quit smoking..good for you!!! My mother-in-law took to chewing on toothpicks when she quit. I've heard others say they chewed on carrot sticks..It won't be easy...pray though..I bet that would definately help..that, and try taking a walk..even a short one when you feel the craving coming on..
I just crave sweets and chocolate..that's probably just as bad..only if I try to quit..someone might get hurt..that would be VERY BAD :)
Love to you...and I'll keep you in my prayers...Jerelene
By the way..someone should do a post on these crazy word verifications..sometimes they crack me up!! What is nisms? Hugs :)

Eileen said...

Okay, turning your habit into writing ~ PRICELESS! I liked your nicotine deprived story very much!

Di, what about smoking a pen casing? That's what I used to (and sometimes STILL do), I pulled apart a bic pen, sawed it down to cigarette size, and 'smoked' it. At first it was ludicrous, but now especially (thirty years later!), it's fantastic! It helped with me at least having something to do with my hands and mouth, and there was something soothing about the intake of breath, and slowly letting it out. It did have a little bit of a calming effect (as long as I wasn't constantly saying to myself 'this is ridiculous, I want a real cigarette!' which is what I was saying the first week or so)!
'Loved 'Joe's Story'!
Love you!

Eileen said...

PS ~ 'Wish I had been there to share one of those beers with you! Heck, I would have brought my own and a couple of bic pen casings for us to 'smoke'!

Tranquility Speaks said...

Keep going Diana. With you, right through :)

Blessings each day said...

So glad you wrote that this was fiction as I was afraid some real life spider had written this for you after tying you up somewhere with spider web stuff.

Maybe you need to do a story on poodles now!

Heck with those darn bic casings Eileen is offering you...I say, just suck your much easier and it's always there (hopefully), no sawing anything off!

blessings and hugs,


p.s. my word verification is horsi...does that mean you need to go play horsi? Or just horsi around?

Gail said...


Wow, Joey is a spider? Who knew? :-)

Great story - speaks volumes of where you are at!!
I saw that they have E-cigarettes, they are electric - they give the illusion of smoking - and it is kept on a charger in between.
"Google it" :-)

Love to you
p.s. come visit at my place soon

Linda Higgins said...

YOu have some amazing village people at your back my friend.....should I post something again...LOL just keep is good therapy!

Ginny said...

I loved this story, Mom! You're so creative!

Diana said...

O.K. Ginny I will except your comment, you are the pro but I hope that the fact that I am your mother has nothing to do with the compliment!
Love Mom