Welcome To My World

I haven't felt like blogging at all under the circumstances.
But here I was awake at 4:00 a.m. this morning. I have learned not to fight sleeplessness anymore. So I felt like just sharing a few thoughts.


I am going to try not to make this sad as Christmas time is upon us. Despite how emotional I have been feeling, one thought that has continually crossed my mind was how much my mom loved Christmas.

She would understand our families sorrow but I know that she wouldn't want us to be sad at this time but instead rejoice in the glory of Jesus' birth.

You know as well as I do that this will be a huge challenge for our family this year.
Truthfully I am feeling anxious right now just thinking about it. But I do believe that if I try to focus on the true meaning of Christmas this year,
I , we , will make it through.

My family has given me so much comfort these past ten days. My daughter Ginny will be back home in five days. I am counting the days. If you've read this blog before,
you may remember me mentioning that she was born with a gift of lighting up a room.
A special aura surrounds her.
I do believe that that light will come in handy this visit home.

One of the things that I learned about my mother after her passing was that she was far more spiritual then I had already known that she was. I have been reading through her bibles that she wrote all over in and a journal that she kept. A spiritual journal.

I thought that I had a strong faith. But I do believe that she put me to shame in this aspect of life. Mom never tried to force religious beliefs on any of us.
She did give us a foundation but never nagged about going to church. She let me find my own way.

And when we did find our church home a few years ago and Katie was confirmed this past spring, I know the pride and joy that filled her heart.
All three of my children believe in the Lord Our Savior.

The two eldest have not yet found their church home. But I like my mother will not force the issue. After all , it was my mother that taught me at a very young age that God is with you where ever you go.
He is always there.

On that note I am going to end this with a verse and a prayer that I found in one of mom's prayer books. I read it last night before bed. It gave me comfort.

Jesus' Victory over Death

He will swallow up death in victory;
and the Lord God will wipe away tears
from off all faces.
Isaiah 25:8

Father, right now, standing at the grave of one I love, I cannot be consoled by any words. I am capable only of weeping for my loss; all I can feel is despair and anger that my loved one has been ripped from me. I am in shock, stumbling through my paces, letting others guide me during these horrible hours.

And yet this is a battle already won. Jesus through his death and resurrection, has conquered death, " that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:15). I know this, Father. I believe in this. Be with me today as I grieve. Wipe away my tears and give me faith in these dark hours,
for the victory is already yours.
Amen.