Saturday, November 29, 2008

Smoke Free Day Eight

This not smoking really sucks. I was doing pretty good until my husband came home for Thanksgiving. He's been smoking outside (big deal) but he still smells like a cigarette. And all talk of him quitting has ceased. Yesterday he actually said he just had to have a cigarette while we were in the car. He put the windows down and the heat full blast for my conveinence . Gee thanks! Then later he actually made me go in the store to buy him more! What an asshole. And yes I told him he was being a rude and thoughtless jerk. I just waited until he was all relaxed and half asleep. My cravings aren't nearly as bad as they could be but when he's home it's just horrible for me. I have really been starting to question my quitting. I know I'm on my own with this and I can't expect everyone to go through what I am going through, I'm just really starting to question my own inner strenghth . I almost snuck one of his cigarettes last night but I didn't. I just went upstairs to my apt. and had a glass of wine. Then I went downstairs and told him off. We shall see how today goes. I am going to go to work for a few hours and get away. That usually does me good.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Happy Black Friday To All !!!

Well it is the infamous shopping day today. Will you be involved? Not me. I can not afford it this year but even if I could I actually hate shopping. I think that makes me an odd woman but I don't care. I do however love, love, love to shop in second hand stores. You've heard the saying " One Mans Junk Is Another Mans Treasure " ? Well thats very true in my case. I would say about 50% of my house is decorated and furnished second hand. I love the feeling of walking into a thrift store and not knowing what treasure your going to find. My favorite times to go are by myself and most definitely with my oldest daughter. She too can appreciate the whole experience. You can walk in and look around for an hour and find nothing. Or you can spend $5.00 and come out with a bag full of trinkets and/or clothing! I think that is one of our favorite things to do together. I lve in a small town but fortunatelly for me we have several thrift stores. Don't completely think that I don't like buying new. To me its just not as fun!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving !

Thanksgiving is a great holiday. Now, I know that the preparation can be well, exhausting for some. I used to be one of the some. I sure did love it though, when I was in my twenties and thirties and my energy level was much higher than now. Finding new recipes, decorating for the season, and my favorite glass of scotch in the kitchen when I would start to feel overwhelmed. Usually for me, I didn't have much of an appetite left after setting all the food on the table. But it always made me feel good when everyone enjoyed the meal and then my beautiful daughter Ginny would gift us with her wonderful rendition of " Albuquerque Is A Turkey" ! The last two years my wonderful daughter-in-law, Amy has been having the dinner at her and my son Franks house. Amy is a wonderful homemaker and a fabulous cook. I have to admit that I enjoy going to their house much more than having it at mine. What could be better than playing with my beautiful grandbabies while someone else cooks a delicious meal ? Oh Wait I just thought of it. Having my daughter Ginny home with us.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Day 5 Or 6 ?

Well I'm starting to forget how many days it's been since I last smoked. I will look to that as a good sign. No applause please . After I had that test Monday (TEE) I would have ripped a smoke out of someones hand if there had been someone smoking around me. From that moment on, even yesterday, I really wanted to smoke. I cleaned house all day. The cravings eased up eventually and I'm doing pretty good this morning. I did discover however while the instructions that came with the patches say you may have to remove the patch at night because of weird dreams, I had to take mine off at night because I couldn't sleep very well. Kept waking up,tossing and turning. Woke up at 2:00 a.m. and just started cleaning. Except for a few breaks I cleaned all day!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Day Three Smoke Free

Well I Figure when I stop counting the days I won't need to write about it anymore. And yes it is boring. Yesterday was not a good day for my husband. He has been useing the nicotine gum and says he can't stand it. He also has tried the patch in the past and says it makes him breakout. So he turned into a nasty creature from one of his video games! the bad part about that was that I was doing just fine. Oh I have my cravings here and there but I was in a happy place. It got to the point if he didn't go get some cigarettes we may possibly tried to kill each other. (not really, but it felt like it!) Anyway he sped off to the store and I didn't care. He smoked his cigarette and then was nice as pie. I am still fine and have not slipped. If I was going to slip it would have been yesterday morning when all the action was going on. Today will be an interesting day. I have to go and have a TEE test. Thats when they take a scope and insert it in your esphogus to look in your heart. they want to make sure there is no blood clot that may have caused my stroke. I just pray that this is my last hurdle

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Nicotine Free - Day Two

First I have to start by saying , the morning of day one really sucked! Silly me thought that the patch should start working instantly!!! I was really a wreck . Meanwhile my husband who is a truck driver and on his way home made the mistake of calling me. Lets just say I wasn't my normally sweet self! But in his infinite wisdom he reminded me that I had a perscription for Xanax and that I should take one. I took two. And you know he was right as usual . Thats when I discovered that the patch takes some time to work through your system. It seems to be working fairly well. Yes I still want to smoke but the cravings are not nearly as severe as without. My husband ( yes he's quitting with me) Is doing the gum route. I think he's haveing a bit of trouble this morning. You can't chew a piece and drink coffee at the same time or it can make you sick. We'll see how his day progressess. He did surprisingly well yesterday and I was very proud of him.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I just woke up, am having my coffee but not my usual morning cigarette. Instead I have put a patch on my arm to hopefully help me kick my habit. I am skeptical however as I have tried to quit twice in the past. The first time I quit for two years. An amazing feat considering I really didn't want to quit at that time. My husband did however so I did It for him.That was my first mistake. If you quit purely for someone else , At least for me, it just made me want to smoke the whole time. Hence, my first unsuccesful attempt. My second try was just this past February. This time I really wanted to quit for a variety of reasons, all of them personal to me this time. I went cold turkey as I did previously. My husband did not want to quit and tried to be helpful by sneaking out of the house when he wanted to smoke! But inevitebly he would have to come back into the house. My sense of smell is excellent even after smoking for 38 years. All I wanted to do was smoke him! My second attempt lasted 19 days. I really love to smoke. Really. But I also really love my family. Last week I had a mini stroke and was in the hospital for three days. Fortunatly I had no permanent damage, this time. So here I am, having my first morning cup of coffee, with a patch on my arm. Just happy to be alive. They say the third times a charm. Lets hope thier right!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Flurries or Flurrying?

Flurries. I think I like that word. But maybe not. How about Flurrying? Yes thats much better. It flurried for the first time this year in my home town today, so the word came to mind. sometimes my mind just dwells on a word as if it can't get enough of the way it sounds. That will be my word of the day, flurrying!