Welcome To My World

Good Lord it's empty in here. I've been walking around inside this page for quite awhile now. Surveying this spot. I can hear the echoes of my footsteps as I am swiping away the cobwebs that have found their place here. 

I ended up in a very strange place that I never thought I would be in my life. So this page has been ignored. Not because of disinterest. No. 

I've found myself in another world so to speak. Truthfully, I can't even do justice to it with my words. I am speechless. Well I guess that's not really right either as I am trying to explain this situation and have to put it into words!

In a word, School. It sounds silly when I say it because it's so common. We've all been there. I've helped all three of my children through it and at the same time, I can honestly say, I hated it.

Until now. It was a fluke. It was a surprise. It was unintentional. It was my daughter Katie's fault. It was her boyfriends sister's fault. It wasn't in the plan although it was a past dream of mine. A long forgotten desire I gave up long ago. And than an imaginary truck hit me. I felt a bug in my butt so to speak and I said "Why not?".

So here I am walking around in this much ignored space that is still decorated for fall. I think I see a rotted Pumpkin on the floor and some much neglected housework as well. All because of an instantaneous moment.

My Katie enrolled in a C.N.A. class in February. I was hopeful and happy for her but knowing my daughter as I do, I didn't feel that this was for her. But her boyfriends sister talked her into it. My husband and I agreed to pay for it. If she didn't go through with it, she would have to go to work to support herself.

The wheels started to turn. I always wanted to be a nurse. I actually took my college entrance exam almost nineteen years ago, before I found out I was pregnant with Katie. That ended that.

I continued to stay at home to raise my three beautiful children. Good children, well, good adults now.

Present day, cobwebs and all. Katie dropped the class at the second  day of the eight week coarse. I stayed. She moved to Texas. She seems happy. That's all that I care about. I miss her terribly but she has to find her own way. I have to trust in what I've taught her.

God works in mysterious ways. You've heard that before right? 

This class has kept me so busy that I can barely remember my own name. I love it. I discovered that I am smarter than I thought. I've learned a lot about myself. I am very happy.

As of now I am carrying an "A" average which doesn't count when applying for a job but it matters to me. At this point I am just going along with what God has put before me. The task at hand so to speak. My house needs cleaning, my yard has been ignored . I have been feeling stress that I've never felt before. My brain is on fire!

We have six more classes to go. Five more Clinical days to go. I love being in the nursing home. I love the work. I really took an interest in the Alzheimer/Dementia unit. I want to go there some more. I'm starting to feel that there is something for "ME".

That probably sounds selfish but it's not meant to be. If I can speak frankly here, I feel as though God is directing me to this destination. I have a few plans in the back of my mind but I don't pay too much attention to planning. I sort of like following direction.

I also love making people feel good, important, worthy, productive and loved. 

Isn't that how you'd like to feel?

Yeah, there are a lot of cobwebs around here. But there's also a lot of other more important work to be done.....