Tuesday, April 28, 2009

" Bittersweet"

Since my Katie has been in school I have driven her to and from each day. I wake up every morning at 5:20 a.m. so that I can have some coffee, walk the dogs and wake up a little bit before I wake Katie at 6:15a.m. I need that time before I can deal face to face with anyone. Each and every morning when Katie wakes up I cook her breakfast. I've done this for her for 14 years.

After some thinking and some discussion with my husband, I decided (notice I said, that I decided) that when Katie started high school, I think she would be the right age to start getting up on her own with the aid of an actual mechanical or electrical alarm clock. As opposed to a human one! There is no reason a girl of 14 can't get up on her own and even fix herself a little breakfast. Really all I do is wake her and hand her food. And of coarse transport to and from school.

As I thought about this, and after telling Katie what I decided we should do, I started to feel a little excited at the prospect of sleeping in a little later and not having to cook breakfast everyday anymore. I mean really, she can get up on her own, fix a little food on her own, take her shower and walk 2 blocks to school on her own. My oldest child, well man child, is 31. So that means that I have been doing this mom ritual for as many years.

Today as I was sitting in my car waiting for Katie to get out of school, I was thinking how nice it will be when I don't have to leave the house at 3:20 every day. At that time I am usually starting dinner and have to stop to leave. Or wait until we get home to start cooking when we're both starving. So, it would be much more convenient not to have to leave the house.

Today as I was sitting in my car waiting for Katie to get out of school, I was thinking , and I was crying, because it will only be four and a half weeks and I won't have to pick her up anymore. I won't have to get up early for her anymore. And I won't have to cook every morning anymore. Bittersweet.


Eileen said...

No matter how pleasant a new beginning might be, no matter how many positives about the situation may be ahead of us, there is always a sadness when we close a chapter of our lives. There's something very touching about the finality of it all. But then new doors are always opened, and just the excitement of thinking about your daughter, quite a grown up young lady now, taking on more responsibility for herself is such a happy time in both your lives.
I know exactly how you feel. You are in one of the goodbye/hello stages of your life. Savoring these next few weeks, not overly happy to let go, and yet looking forward with joyful anticipation.

Blessings each day said...

If you've been a mother long enough, maybe even just a year or two, the changes are incredible but we look forward to the first steps and words, whereas the lessening of our connection is always so much harder so we need to just love and allow God to bless us in other ways.

sending you comfort and blessings,


jenny baker said...

:( i hope that you can enjoy the final days of your current schedule & you can smoothly adjust to your new schedule soon. :)

Bernie said...

Diana I am unable to sleep for some reason so I have been browsing and reading blogs. I was so touched by this one, I remember feeling exactly the same way when my son started High School. It was so hard to let go of our routine but I know you will be fine, enjoy and explore other places and things that being Katie's mother allows you to do. She is blessed to have you as her mom.....:-) Hugs Bernie