Monday, November 1, 2010

" I'm Still Alive!"

It was a good and productive day. I am grateful to be resting with my feet up and not to much pain. Praise God, my prayers are being heard!

I completed two walls in my dining room today. Only two more to go which, God willing, I will complete tomorrow. It looks so beautiful so far, I am so very proud of my hard work.

However it is inspiring me to do more. I just can't seem to sit still! But I have discovered that when I am working hard, my stomach doesn't hurt, unless I get too hungry.

So I guess I know myself pretty darn well. I always fall back on working when times are tough. The more I work, the less I worry. The less I worry, the less my stomach hurts. I can not just sit and dwell on my troubles. 

Did I mention that the doctor that did my endoscopy prescribed anti-depressants for the pain in my stomach? When I found this out (at the pharmacy) I was outraged! I am not depressed. And for him to assume that my pain was from depression, to me, was ridiculous.

That is when I called my own doctor. When I told him what was going on, he knew that I had been worrying too much. So he doubled my anti-anxiety medication. That did the trick. I have since cut back the dosage, have been practicing setting my mind free and praying more. It is working just fine. 

Please don't take this the wrong way. I do understand depression. I know that it is a horrible problem for people, people that I am close to. But I have never, ever considered myself depressed. Well sure we all have our moments or hours, but I have always fought my way out of it. And won. I guess that I am lucky that way.

I am however, a very, very big worrier. It has followed me around all of my life. The way I fight it is to work. So now you know why I am constantly busy. Unfortunately, all of that work wasn't enough to control it. So after having two strokes, I have to also take medication.

It has helped, but not always. So I am still moving and working. My husband has a joke about me. He says that I could never die until the entire house and yard was spotless. He thinks that isn't possible so I will never die!

Anyway back to the painting. I hope to finish tomorrow as I clean for my people on Thursdays. I need Wednesday to recoup. So if all goes well. If I make it through another day. If I can manage that ladder one more day. I will be done.

Oh I forgot, I also cooked, yes COOKED, three full meals today, hung out a load of clothes in the yard, walked the dogs and took the garbage out! I can't hardly believe that I am still here!

Just give me one more day Lord, one more day........


Lois Evensen said...

Good for you, Lady. You are certainly in charge of you and that's what matters! Wow, you are getting so much accomplished.

Diana said...

Thank you Lois! I have 20 days until my daughter comes home. I want to surprise her for her homecoming with all of the redecorating!
Love Di ♥

Jackie said...

Di...I am tired just reading about all your work! You are simply a working woman! I'm glad that the Lord continues to give you good days...days that make you happy....which makes me happy...
I'm also glad that you got your meds worked out so that you will feel better. You are a loving friend....and I'm jealous...' cooked!!!!
I am so used to getting food 'to go'...that cooking would be a treat....but....I don't like to cook any more. I did break down and cook spaghetti tonight for supper....which didn't take long....was good....and does count as 'cooking' right???
Love to you, my dear friend,

Maria said...

God bless you, Diana!
I think your idea to set your mind free and pray is wonderful. I know for me, I have to get outdoors every day...even if it's for a simple walk around the neighborhood. Fresh air to clean the cobwebs in my head and calm my soul.
Take Care of yourself, Diana ~ make sure you rest too ♥

Bernie said...

WOW what a day you have had. Sounds like a very productive one. I hope you do get it finished tomorrow Di so you can have Wednesday to rest. I know you will post pictures for your nosey friend. (lol)....I'm sure it is is lovely......:-) Hugs

Anvilcloud said...

I think there's a difference between clinical depression and feeling down. It sounds to me like you may hover on the edge of clinical without quite being there. Not sure of course, just a feeling from reading your description.

Eileen said...

My goodness, you are a busy bee! Seriously, you amaze me, Di! I'm awe-struck!
I'm lucky if I tackle one or two things on my list of things to do, nevermind adding laundry and cooking to a big painting project! But you do seem to thrive on it!

That doctor sounds like my sister-in-law Susie's doctor, every problem her family has he chalks up to the fact that they must be manic/depressive! I can see once in awhile, but every patient, and every problem gets diagnosed as manic/depressive? Give me a break! Susie says she doesn't even argue with him, she just takes the prescription and throws it in the garbage!

And of course you are going to be sad and down in the dumps, you've had sad things happen in your life. But that's a big difference from being really clinically depressed.

Stay busy, I think it does help you a lot, but don't over-do it!
I've missed you, but I've kept up a little on Facebook so I knew you were in the midst of another big paint project.
You go, Girl!
Love to you,

Eileen said...

PS ~ To Jackie: YES, spaghetti counts as cooking! And I still can't get to your blog, Jackie! Sad. :(

jules said...

I guess we all handle things in our own way. That's what makes us all so special. When my hubby leaves in the semi for a couple weeks I go crazy cleaning that first day. I think it is just my way of dealing with his absence. Good luck finishing your painting. I can't wait to see the finished product.

Rebecca said...

I read this and your last post at the same time. I'm still trying to get the picture of 5'2" marries 6'4"...Somehow, I didn't know that!

I can imagine your relief (and soreness) after getting that ceiling painted.

I also can see that you WORK to relieve stress, so I'll refrain from telling you to "slow down" :-)

Expecting pictures of the finished project soon, Di!

Brenda said...

Keep trusting. It reminds of the verse in Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

I am looking forward to seeing your photos when you are finished. I am glad about your accomplishment--Sad about your stress.


Lynilu said...

What Anvilcloud said rings a note for me. Often when one is hovering as she describes, it doesn't look or feel like depression, but it's not unusual for the response to that state being to be working (or playing) feverishly as if to stave off the depression. Then, unfortunately, it can lead to anxiety. I'm glad you have it at bay, but don't be afraid to consider a *short term* regimen of antidepressants .... it could help you back farther away from the precipice. BTW, as a mental health professional, I would *never* recommend a long term usage of antidepressants except in rare cases; they are intended to be used only long enough to help a person regain control of the rushing or dragging feelings, say 3-6 months. I used them while dealing with fibromyalgia (I was on the edge with the cycle of pain/depression), but once I had my feet on the ground again, I've not seen them for 12-13 years.

Whatevery you decide works for you, I know will be the right one. :) Love you!

Barb said...

Oh, Di - You are always on the move. Here is what I try for worry - just concentrate on NOW and don't let your mind wander to THEN or SOON. Easier said than done, I know. Hope you can rest on the Lazy Boy soon.

Wanda..... said...

What Barb says, is what I say about worrying. Just never think 'what if'...just let the moment count, but you really are making your moments count with all that painting, cooking, and laundry!

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Di, you AMAZE me!!! You do so much!!! Oh to have half your energy! Glad that you were able to get the meds sorted!!! Just wanted to stop by to let you know that I love you and that you are in my thoughts!! ~Janine XO

Amity said...

You're a superwoman/Mom this time Di...:-) I could only smile...coz me too, when i have done much work for the day, I would sensationalize my achievement to my family...ha ha ha...:-) we're on the same boat!

Depression! To hell with those doctors!

Keep praying and always be positive...and I was smiling at your hubby's comment that you'll not gonna die til your home n lawn become spotless... :-)